I started chopping onions and peppers. The pungent smell of the spices irritated my eyes even more. But that stinging was nothing compared to the pain in my chest. The rhythmic sound of the knife against the cutting board was like a countdown to the hellish party that was about to begin. Once the kitchen was underway, I went to the living room. Mark wanted the space to look spacious and luxurious. While he was preening in front of the bedroom mirror, I had to move the heavy sofas alone. I swept the floor that was already clean, but Mark insisted there was still dust. I mopped the floor with a backache that was splitting me in two.
Every time my gaze fell on the photograph of my mother hanging on the living room wall, my heart broke a little more. Mark had ordered me to take it down, saying it ruined the festive atmosphere, but I refused with a defiant look. It was my only act of resistance. Finally, with a long grunt, he allowed me to leave it in its place. Time passed quickly and, cruelly, the smell of food began to fill the house. I was cooking a pot roast, garlic shrimp, and a large loaded baked potato casserole, dishes that would be served at a party or on a day of celebration, not at a banquet built on grief.
Cold sweat ran down my temples. My clothes were soaked with sweat and water from washing dishes. I carefully placed the ceramic plates on the long dining room table. Those plates had been a wedding gift from my mother. I remembered her wrinkled hands caressing them as she gave them to me. Now they would be used by people who didn’t care about her death. Mark came out of the room elegantly dressed and smelling of strong cologne. He looked confident and arrogant. He inspected my work like a ruthless foreman. He tasted a bit of the gravy from the pot roast and nodded without a single word of thanks.
Instead, he pointed out my disheveled appearance. He scolded me again, telling me to take a shower and change my clothes quickly. He didn’t want his friends to see his wife looking like a miserable servant. He emphasized that I should smile, be friendly, and attend to any request from the guests. He said he didn’t want to see a single complaint or a single tear when they arrived. I dragged myself to the bathroom. Under the shower stream, I cried bitterly. The sound of the water drowned my sobs of anguish. I scrubbed my body hard as if trying to wash away the traces of grief that had clung to me.
But the grief was not on my skin. It was in my blood and in my breath. After the shower, I put on a simple, sober dress. I wore no makeup as no cosmetics could hide my swollen eyes. I looked at myself in the mirror, a pale face, lifeless eyes surrounded by dark circles. It was the face of a daughter who had lost her mother, a face forced to wear a mask of happiness for her husband’s pride. When I left the room, Mark was already by the front door. He commented sarcastically that my face still looked pathetic, but that there was no time to fix it further.
Just then, the doorbell rang. My heart skipped a beat, not with joy, but with anxiety. The first guest had arrived. The hellish party was about to begin. Mark’s expression changed instantly. A fake radiant smile spread across his lips. He opened the door enthusiastically, greeting the guest with a loud laugh. I stood behind him with my head bowed, taking a deep breath of the air that felt oppressive, and prepared to play the role of a servant in my own home on the day of my mother’s death. As soon as the door swung wide open, the tranquility of our home vanished. Mark’s co-workers burst in loudly, bringing with them a mix of different perfumes and deafening laughter.
They entered without asking. Their shoes echoed on the floor I had cleaned with so much effort. No one offered me their condolences. Perhaps Mark hadn’t told them. Or perhaps for them, the death of an old woman wasn’t important enough to ruin a party atmosphere. They immediately scattered throughout the living and dining rooms, admiring the furniture and praising Mark’s success on his recent promotion. I stood in a corner, holding a tray with glasses of cold iced tea that I had prepared beforehand. Mark introduced me quickly, not as his grieving wife, but as the hostess, ready to serve. Some of them nodded politely, but their gazes were empty.
They looked at me briefly before returning to their lively conversations with Mark. Mark seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the moment. He was the center of attention, telling unfunny jokes that were met with exaggerated laughter from his subordinates. Each burst of laughter was like a needle piercing my heart. Their laughter sounded like a grotesque dissonance with my desolate mood. It was like a masquerade ball in the middle of a cemetery. My first duty began. Mark gestured with his eyes for me to serve the drinks quickly. I walked slowly, offering the tray to each guest. My hands trembled from the weight of the tray and from the emotion I was trying to suppress.
One of Mark’s friends, one burly man, took a glass without even looking at me, too busy talking about a new project they were about to launch. The glasses passed quickly from hand to hand. I had to go back and forth to the kitchen to refill the pitcher and bring out appetizers. My legs, already tired from standing for hours at the funeral home, ached even more, but I dared not sit down. Mark was always watching me from the corner of his eye, making sure I didn’t rest for a second. The atmosphere grew even louder when the second group arrived. Among them was a woman who stood out particularly.
Her name was Jessica. She was a colleague Mark often mentioned at home for her achievements, but I could sense something more in the way Mark looked at her. Jessica entered with a very confident air, as if she owned the place. She greeted Mark with familiarity, even touching his arm in a way that was too close while smiling cheerfully. Mark seemed delighted by Jessica’s arrival. His face lit up in a way I hadn’t seen when he looked at me. Jessica examined me from head to toe with a look of dismissive evaluation. There was no kind smile on her lips when she looked at me, only a faint, cunning smirk.
Mark immediately led Jessica and some of his closest friends to the most comfortable spot, the main sofa. He called out my name loudly and ordered me to bring a plate of food for Jessica. He said Jessica was a special guest and should be well taken care of. I swallowed, holding back the bitterness rising in my chest. I brought a plate and filled it with the food I had prepared earlier through tears. The pot roast, the garlic shrimp, and a piece of the loaded baked potato casserole were carefully arranged on the plate. I brought it to Jessica and offered it to her respectfully. Jessica accepted it without a single word of thanks.
She looked at it with a mocking glance and began to eat while continuing to talk with Mark, ignoring my presence as I stood waiting for her next instructions. The incident happened in an instant. Just as I was about to turn around to go to the kitchen for some napkins, I suddenly heard the loud sound of a plate falling. Crash. The sound of ceramic shattering against the floor silenced the room for a moment. All eyes turned to the main sofa. I turned and saw the plate I had given Jessica smashed to pieces on the floor. The greasy gravy from the pot roast and the food stained my mother’s favorite rug.
Jessica jumped up with an expression of exaggerated surprise and looked at me accusatorially. She shouted in a high-pitched tone that I hadn’t placed the plate correctly and that it had slipped from her hands, but I was sure I had handed it to her properly. Mark reacted instantly. Instead of asking what had happened or worrying that someone might get cut by the ceramic shards, he scolded me in front of everyone. He berated me with harsh words, calling me careless and incapable of serving the guests properly. My face flushed, a mixture of shame and pain. The tears I had been barely holding back welled up again. I wanted to defend myself and say that Jessica had dropped it, but my courage vanished under Mark’s withering glare.
